I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
