I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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