What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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