Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
