I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
