kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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