So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
