I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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