The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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