Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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