He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize