if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
