At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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