I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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