I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
