She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
