i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
