When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
