You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
