we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
