What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize