Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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