The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize