We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
