I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
