Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize