they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
