if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
