Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
