so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
