Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
