This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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