Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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