I wanna bring you to show and tell
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize