I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
