How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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