OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
