Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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