i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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