i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
