you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
