i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i drank out of a bidet.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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