Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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