I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
