My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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