just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
