it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You can't just leave with hair like that
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
