Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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