i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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