She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
