don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
