remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
