So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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