So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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