Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
