If i come over, it means nothing
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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