I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize