grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize