Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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