Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize