You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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