Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
