Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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