This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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