Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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