U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
