she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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