Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need a beard to bite.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
