first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i've created a new STD.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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