Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Life without a bra equals bliss.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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