the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
