his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
