I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
