I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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