This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
