Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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