that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
