The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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