They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
