As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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