I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
