I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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