I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
