i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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