i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
