I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
