At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
