I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
