i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
